Ashleigh Coleman: “It’ll Do Till A Mess Gets Here”

Internal © Ashleigh Coleman

Growing up, I internalized a model of ideal womanhood as one fulfilled by responsibilities as a mother. She decorates winsomely for holidays; plans elaborate homemade birthday parties; spends hours playing games with her children.

But, what if I slowly discovered I am not who I thought I would be as a woman, a mother? What if “[t]he evidence of my life lay before me, and I was unconvinced.” *

Don’t Swallow Me Up © Ashleigh Coleman

The reality is that every day mishaps feel shocking. Noise threatens to unglue. Baking rarely occurs. I am terrified of being used up, of losing myself, of not actually knowing what coherent adult thoughts feel or sound like anymore.

Mercifully, I discovered that photographing the frustration, which often results from childishness colliding with adult expectations for the productivity of a day, illuminates a dim path through the Sisyphean mess. My internal landscape quiets. These are my people. Much needed perspective charges onto the horizon; maybe not in that exact second, maybe a month or two later – they are growing – destructive curiosity mellowing, possibly. Humor returns.

“It’s a mess, aint it Sherriff?” “If it aint it’ll do till a mess gets here.” **

These are glimpses into a woman coming to terms with the quotidian mystery of motherhood, into staking out the joy in the chaos, into being mother and being photographer— outside, looking in; inside, looking in— into learning to be here.

For now, it’ll do.

* Leif Enger, Virgil Wander

** Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men

Ashleigh Coleman was born in the mountains of Virginia, reared in South Carolina, and for the last decade has lived in rural Mississippi. Her work explores ties to family and to land.

Ashleigh Coleman: “It’ll Do Till A Mess Gets Here”

“It’ll Do Till A Mess Gets Here”

Photography by Ashleigh Coleman

Awarded Paul Conlan Prize, 2018

Stricklands in Concord

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